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What the fuck have I done moving to, and living in this Croatian insanity for the past five fucking years? I never thought about the longterm realities of living in Croatia before packing up and leaving the sunburnt country I called home for 35 years. Australia, the land of opportunities. Before relocating to Croatia, I only daydreamed about the Croatian beaches, raising bilingual kids, having coffee with my newly-made Croatian friends and living a European lifestyle.
Heels stuck in the sand, desperately trying to make it all work. Often faking the easy breezy coastal life, making it look like it all comes so naturally. This place is filled with nepotism. Bureaucracy gone mad — actually, sometimes, not even gone mad — often not even moving at all. Fake people always trying to get you to blog about them for free. A place where on an almost daily basis, I have to justify my desire to live here.
Sometimes it does not sound like I do, but sincerely, I cherish Croatia. I am so thankful for my life here. Kids are free to roam about. The landscape is extraordinary — and right on my doorstep. I have made a family out of new friends. We are in the process of building an excellent business. My good days are fantastic. My meh days are when I barely manage to stay optimistic when faced with an onslaught of bureaucratic challenges, or when I spend days at a time alone without speaking to or hearing from a single friend, and all I can think about is calling my sister and telling her to pop over for a visit.
My dark days are rare. But sheesh they are harsh. Being an expat is much harder than I ever imagined. I try never to speak of them, as they are the days when if spoken about, it is all people will focus on. Croatia is all my sons know. One came here when he was 9 months old, and the other was born here. I spent all my savings in building a wonky-as-fuck house. I love it too much. And more than that, I feel I have given too much, spent too long pushing forward to give up — not yet anyway.
Each year that passes gets a little easier to adjust to the situations that might edge me toward me those rare dark days. I am a traveler and have to keep exploring, so maybe one day I will move away. But, there are no plans too, and I would say the same thing no matter where I live.